Courage to Love
by diverselove
Summary: Quinn struggles with all aspects of her life; her sexuality, her future, her past, and her love.
1. Chapter 1

I gaze pass my locker as I see Santana and Brittany walking down the hallway, fingers interlock with each other. I slam my locker, in spite, and make an attempt to walk away before either of them sees me. I run into the classroom where I see Kurt and Blaine acting incredibly affectionate with each other. I sit down in the chair and sigh to myself. Why can't I have to the courage that Kurt and Blaine has? Why can't I have the bravery to stand up and admit to everyone that I am not boy crazy as I make myself out to be? To admit that I am in love with Santana? No, I can't. because in order to admit it to everyone else, I have to admit it myself. I have to tell myself that the reason I am so cruel to Santana is because I like her. That the reason I secretly draw pictures of her is because I am so captured by her beauty; That I must get it down on paper for fear of never seeing her again.

I watch as Santana and Brittany walk in, this time with their arms around each other, and make their way to their seats. Mr. Schue walks into the room and makes an attempt to get the class to quiet down. After a few moments, everyone manages to keep their mouth shut.

Mr. Schue explains to us about desire. "We all have desires in our life," he says. "Most of you might desire to become famous. Some of you might desire to actors or musicians, maybe start a family. Some of you might even desire to fall in love." I look over at Santana. Her black hair falling around her face creating a dark shadow near her eyes and forehead making her look mysterious and gorgeous.

"For your assignment this week, I want all of you to choose a song that expresses and illuminates your inner most desires. I want this done by next week. The person who does the best on this assignment will get to choose two songs for everybody to sing at sectionals. So that should get everybody motivated to get some work done."

Everyone gasps and talks about what songs to sing and why they would win. I already know what song I was going to sing and why I want to sing that song.

"Well, it's clear that I am going to win," I hear Santana say, "So you all better be prepared because we are going to sing 'there is no greater love' by Jones orchestra and 'illegal' by Shakira." Everyone moans and complains about the song choices while blurting out their own choices of songs that they will choose for everyone.

"Alright," Mr. Schue says, "Go out and start preparing for your performances." Everyone jumps out of their seats. I watch as I see some people go over to the piano and choosing music. I see people looking up songs to sing. I sit, in my chair still, as I ignore the commotion around me. I think about my inner most desires. What song do I sing and how do I display my feelings without making it transparent about what I really want.


	2. Chapter 2

It is the day where we have to perform the songs we choose to sing to express our inner most desires. Everyone is sitting down, anxious, excited, prepared. I merely sit there, as I watch Brittany whisper in Santana's ear and listen to them both laugh. My face fume and my heart sink as Santana leans in and gives Brittany a kiss on her lips, grazing against them. I try to look elsewhere but my eyes manage to find their way back to Santana and Brittany. Mr. Schue walks in the classroom, an over-golly grin on his face. "Well," he begins all eager and pleased, "Is everyone ready to perform?" The club exclaims out a yes. I shook my head, faking a smile. "Alright, so who wants to go first?" Finn and Rachel both shot their hand into the air. I stand out of my seat and look around the room.

"Mr. Schue, if I want to go first." I demanded, attempting to keep all my bottled up emotions inside me.

"Well, ok. Quinn will go first." Mr. Schue goes to sit down as I walk down to the front of the classroom. I hand the music sheet to the band, noticing that Santana and Brittany are cuddle up together. My heart races and I stand in the middle of the room with everyone's eyes glued to me. I nod to the band, they begin to play. I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a brief second as I start on the first verse.

"Someone once told me, that you have to choose. What you win or lose, you can't have everything. Don't you take chances, you might feel the pain. Don't you love in vain, cause love won't set you free," my voice begins to crack as my emotion edges it way onto the lyrics, "I could stand on the side and watch this life pass me by, so unhappy. But safe as could be." I pause, along with the band, gathering up every ounce of emotion I had in me. I glance down at the ground and can still see Santana watching me, a small smile on her face.

"So what if it hurts me? So what if I break down? So what if this world just throws me off the edge my feet run out of ground?" I belt out, my voice quivering, "I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound. Don't care about all the pain in front of me cause I'm just trying to be happy, yes, just wanna be happy, happy."

I let my voice tremble out some more and rush into the second verse, this time full of passion, love, anger, and sorrow. "Holding on, tightly. Just can't let it go, just playing my role, slowly disappear. All these days, I feel like they are all the same; just different faces, different names. Get me outta here!" I pack more punch into my singing as I carry on the song, "I can't stand by the side and watch life pass me by, pass me by."

"So what if it hurts me? So what if I break down? So what if this world just throws me off the edge, my feet run out of ground? I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound. Don't care about all the pain in front of me, cause I'm just trying to be happy. Don't care about all the pain in front of me, I just want to be happy, happy. Yes, happy." I finish the song and see Mr. Schue standing up and clapping. The others follow his direction as they all clap as well. I stand there soaking it all in, looking at Santana; she claps but with no added force or excitement, just clapping for a fellow team member.

"Well done Quinn, anyone else want to go next?" Mr. Schue asks as I make my way back to my seat.

Blaine goes second, follow by Kurt, Rachel, Mercedes, Puck, Finn, Mike [who did more of dance number rather than singing a song], then Brittany.

"Alright, great job Brittany," Mr. Schue says as Brittany skips to her seat, and into Santana's lap. "Well, we don't have much more time today, so we can only take one more person today and the rest will have to go tomorrow. So who wants to go next?"

Without any hestitation Santana stands up and walks to the front handing her sheet music over to the band. "I will be going next," Santana voices. Mr. Schue nods his head and goes over to sit down in his seat.

"Alright," Santana starts, "This song will tell everyone about how well I will be doing in the future. Because after the year I had, with Finn outing me. Thanks for that Finn, and my family kicking me out of the house and being forced to live with Rachel and her two musical-addicted dads. I just want to let everyone know that I am doing good, so good actually." She snaps her fingers and the band starts to play the music. Santana gets into it without any delay and bobs to the beat and sways to the music.

Santana begins to sing, "Hey how are you doing? I'm doing mighty fine. Last time I seen ya, it's been a long time. Stop smiling at me, get that look off your face. Don't even front, stop being so fake. I know you don't like me, you made it so clear, always taking bout me from what I hear. Always put me down when you thought that you could, I just want you to know that I'm doing so good." Santana howls out, adding sassiness and attitude to the song as she dances around.

I become mesmerize by the way she moves her body and hums out melodies. Her hair flies around her face, her eyes sparkles, her hips sashaying to the beat. I stare at her in awe, struggling to keep myself from becoming enclosed into her performance and forgetting that everyone else is there. Before I know it, I lose focus on what everyone else is doing and place all of my attention on Santana. She continues to sing and I start to hum along with her.

"Wasn't it you that said, I thought that I was all that and you said that I didn't have a clue? Wasn't it you that said that I wouldn't make it through?" Santana sings, enticing the crowd with her performance, "And wasn't it that said that I didn't look too good? That I wouldn't do too good? That I wouldn't make it out the hood? Well, I want you to know that I'm doing so good. So good so good, so good. I know you hate it but I'm so good, so good, so good. It's hard to face it but I'm so good, so good, so good."

"This is for the haters that said I wouldn't make it. Now I'm doing platinum, now you can't take it. For all the people round me that have been negative, look at me and see how I live. I stay down with my people, all the ones who've been there. Didn't get caught up, how does that make you feel? All the things I'm doing that you thought I never could. I just want you to know, I'm doing so good. So good, so good, so good. Yes I'm doing so good, so good, so good. I'm doing so so so so so good. I said I'm doing so so so so so so good. I made it out the hood. I want you to know I'm doing so good. So good." Santana wallows in the last notes and finishes the song. She heads to her seat, pretending to ignore all the cheers and applause she is getting. She goes over to Brittany who gives her a hug and sits down next to her.

Mr. Schue stands up and walks to the front of the class. "Alright, we will have to continue tomorrow. Where Tina, Artie, Rory, Samuel, Lauren, and Sugar will go. See you kids tomorrow." I run down from my seat and head over to Santana. "Santana," I yelled after her. She and Brittany stop in their tracks and turn around and look at me. "You were great, today." I say to her trying to keep myself from smiling.

"Is that all you wanted to say," Santana says, her eyes blank, her face unmoved. I nod my head yes. "Well, thank you." Santana says before walking off with Brittany's arm around her waist.


	3. Chapter 3

It is the final day where everyone has to perform their songs. Tina is first, then Rory, Sugar, Artie, Lauren, and Sameul. I sit there dazed, the entire time while everyone is performing. When it was all said and done, Mr. Schue comes to the front of the classroom and stares at us.

"Well, I think it is obvious who won here," Mr. Schue said. Everyone looks at him with anticipation. I sit there, glaring at Santana so I can see her face light up when she wins. "The person who gets to choose our line-up will be, Quinn." Everyone turns and looks at me. I freeze up, I catch Rachel stomping her way out the door and Santana, Santana, looking at me. She isn't hurt or even angry. She just smiles, trying to hid it from everyone's view, and turns her attention back to Mr. Schue. He claps for me as people talk, I hear someone mentioning getting Rachel out from the hallway. Santana goes out and retrieves Rachel. She comes, upset but trying to play it off. She sits down next to Santana. I watch them the entire time, surprised.

Ever since Santana and I had that fight, last year about her and Brittany, our friendship hasn't really been the same. She ignores my entire existence, and I pretend not to care. It surprised that she, out of everyone, will bring Rachel in to calm her down over me winning. But I'm sure she has some strange reason for this. She does for everything.

"Well, Quinn," says looking at me," What will our songs be this year for sectionals?" I sit there, letting everyone's gaze soak into my skin. I open my notebook, that I had in my lap, and flip through a few pages. I notice a couple of songs that seem to stick out to me. I stand up, peering across the room at everybody.

"I have chosen the songs Rehab by Rihanna and In the darkness by dead by sunrise." I nod my head in pride as I sit down. I hear Rachel groan and I observe Santana giving her a dirty look, making Rachel roll her eyes, keeping her mouth shut. I couldn't help but smile. My heart begins to flutter. I look away from her in case she sees me blushing. Mr. Schue nods his head in agreement.

"Alright," he says, "Well, I guess that's our line-up for sectionals this year. Tomorrow we will vote for another which two songs to do a mash-up of and start practicing a.s.a.p." He whips his hand in a circle motion, signaling us to leave. I see Santana and Brittany prepare to leave, I get up and run over to them.

"Hey, Santana," I prepare myself to say. She looks at me, her face saying yes and seeming impatient. Brittany looks at me as well, except her face shows joy and unawareness at why the air is tight, thick between Santana and I.

"Well, I want to thank you," I mumble.

"For what?" Santana exclaims, without letting me finish my sentence.

"For, just calming Rachel down and everything," I rush out my mouth.

"That wasn't about you," Santana starts, "She's like that with everyone whenever she doesn't win. It was nothing." She grabs Brittany's hand and they walk out the door. My first thought is to follow them, tell Santana that I love her. But I stop myself, and walk out the door. I see Santana and Brittany give each other a kiss goodbye, as I walk out of the school trying to pretend that the conversation between me and Santana didn't ring in my ears.


	4. Chapter 4

We were all sitting in the room waiting for when he walks into the room, holding a stack of papers under his arm. He throws everything onto the piano. "Alright, everyone," He says, "It's time to vote for which two songs we are going to mash-up together for sectionals." He takes the stack of papers and passes them around to each of us. The paper contains a list of five songs on them: Aaliyah 'Tell me if you're that somebody', Missy Elliott 'Lose control', Jennifer Lopez 'Get Right', Janet Jackson 'If', and Kylie Minogue 'Love at first sight'.

"I thought that since our other two songs are ballads, it would be great if our mash-up contained dance tracks," Mr. Schue says, with a forced hipster tone to his voice, "I want you all to circle which two songs you want to sing and then bring your paper up to me." Mr. Schue nods his head as everyone grabs their pen and pencil and begin writing. One by one people bring their paper up to Mr. Schue, I remain there trying to figure out what songs I want to sing, what songs express how I am feeling inside about my life, about myself. I circle two songs and run up to give my paper to Mr. Schue.

He collects all the sheets and begins counting; us all sitting there shuffling papers, whispering loud enough for people to hear, just moving around. Mr. Schue was done counting, he moves closer to us to the point where it feels like he is invading our space. He is wearing a plain look on his face, like he isn't moved or that we all voted for the wrong songs. His face changes into a fake smile. "Well," he says, "It seems we have a three-way vote. Five of you voted for Aaliyah and Jennifer Lopez, five of you voted for Aaliyah and Missy Elliott, and five of you voted for Aaliyah and Janet Jackson." He looks around the room at all us, "And one of you circled all of them." He says looking confuse.

"I couldn't decide," Brittany says, "So I circled everyone."

"Well, because of this we have to take a different route." Mr. Schue goes and grab sheets of paper and writes on them, then her walks around the room and tapes the paper onto the walls, a sheet in a different location. "Alright, I want everyone who voted for Aaliyah and Jennifer Lopez to go stand by A, everyone who voted for Aaliyah and Missy Elliott to stand by B, and everyone who voted for Aaliyah and Janet Jackson to go stand by C." People start to get up and move towards the letters, without asking any questions. I stand up and look around the room, trying to remember which songs I have chosen. I look at Santana and notice that there were only four people in her group, I walk over to her, step by step, I reach her and turn my back to her to ignore her gaze. Brittany stays rooted in her chair. "Brittany," Mr. Schue says, "You can join whichever group you want." Brittany stands and looks at Santana, I see her smiling from the corner of my eyes. Brittany then turns and walks off, to another group. The look on Santana's face switches in a second, from joy and love to betrayal and sadness.

"Alright everyone, since we have a tie I decided to do a contest out of this," he says, a dorky, odd smile on his face, "The group that wins will have that song to perform at sectionals." He walks around from each group, staring at each of us. "But the fact the sectionals is in 6 weeks, I will only give you all 3 days to come up with a routine." We stare at him, our mouths agape.

"Mr. Schue," Finn starts, "There is no way we can come up with whole routine in 3 days."

"Well, You will have to try." Mr. Schue replies, cutting Finn off. "Now there is only few minutes left before we have to leave, I suggest that all of you talk to each other and come up with a plan."

I turn towards my group to see who is in it. My eyes jump from Tina, Lauren, Blaine, and Santana. "Well," I begin, "I think it might be best if we." Santana cuts in, her voice fill with rage.

"Blaine you will come up choregraphy, Lauren and Tina you two will come up with outfits and stage props, and I will work on the lyrics and arrangement. We will meet up tomorrow afternoon and discuss further." Santana proceeds to walk out of the room.

"Wait, what about me?" I yell after her. The bell rings, and tells everyone goodbye. I follow after Santana. "Hey, Santana." I call out. I see her talking with Brittany.

"I don't know why you didn't want to join my group," Santana says.

"I went with the B group since my name starts with the letter B," Brittany claims, "I mean it was practically calling my name." I interrupt their conversation, wanting to get Santana's attention.

"Santana," I say, "I need to talk to you."

"About what?" She yells.

"About on what I am going to do to contribute, I mean you just started giving out orders to everyone like you were in charge of the group but that's not how it is going to work. We have to work together on this Santana." Santana looks at me, her arms cross. "Listen I just think we should all think up of the routine together, instead of dividing up the parts."

"Listen, Fabray." Santana says, "I don't want to work with you any more than you want to work with me. So you can drop the entire nice act, trying to be my friend. But it's alright. Our friendship is over and there isn't any chance of salvaging it. So if you don't mind I'm going to go work on the lyrics and arrangement and you can work on whatever it is you think our group will be lacking in. Alright."

Santana then reaches for Brittany's hand and they walk down the hallway, leaving me there looking dumb, wounded, hurt. Trying to keep myself from cracking.


	5. Chapter 5

I sit on the bleachers, my notebook in my lap, watching Santana on the field along with the other cheerleaders practicing their routine. The wind sweeps down from across the field as it blows Santana's hair across her ruby cheeks. The wind then comes up to me and blows my short blonde hair back. My hair plays with the wind as I see Coach Sylvester come onto the field yelling at everyone for every single mistake they made. She screams at everyone to go home, I waited until everyone left before I walk off the bleachers and down to the field. I see Santana and Coach Sue talking to each other and notice that Santana is tense and upset. Coach Sue walks away from her and Santana stomps away, jumps when she sees me standing there; a notebook in my hand and a purse hanging from my left shoulder, my heart pounds as she walks to me.

"Why are you here?" She snaps, pushing by me, going to her bag and taking out a water bottle.

"I wanted to talk to you," I say, trying my best to keep my voice from shaking.

"About what?" Santana yells out, gulping from her water bottle.

"I want to discuss with you about our performance for glee," I answer.

"Really, wow," She says, "For a minute there I thought you were here to tell me that my girlfriend is a spawn of the devil and how I am going to hell and burn for all enternity." Santana throws her water bottle back into her bag, grabs it, throwing it across her back. She starts to walk off.  
"Santana," I yell out, following her, "Listen I have some really good ideas about our performance and what to do, and I would really appreciate it if you would stop and listen to what I have to say." Santana keeps walking, doesn't even bother to look back. "Fine," I mumble, "Just go back to your little fairy tale land with Brittany, and pretend you live in a world where you have rights." She stops in her tracks and turns around, she runs towards me. Her ponytail swinging from side to side. Her eyes piercing into my mind, her hands into molded into fists. She shoves me and I stumble back almost falling to the ground.

"All you have to do is listen to my ideas, alright," I speak, she hurls her bag to the ground.

"You have five minutes," Santana says, inching herself away from me. I smile while she growls.

"Okay," I say opening my notebook feeling giddy and happy, "I think that we should make this a love song type of performance, there's a girl who wishes to date somebody but is afraid of her feelings and isn't sure if that person is worth exposing those feelings for, that's where Aaliyah's song come into play. However, the person that this girl likes is dating someone else and wishes to be with that person. That's where Janet's song come into play. So I was thinking that maybe two of us can play one couple and then another two can play a backing couple and then one person can play the girl that wishes to be with someone."

Santana just shakes her head, "Is that all you want to tell me. Some sad little love story about a girl who is too spine-less to do anything about her life."

"I thought it was a nice idea," I tell Santana.

"Well I don't, and I doubt anyone else in the group would like it either. Listen Fabray, just leave the ideas and everything to me and everyone else because every single thought that comes from your mind is some holy Christian-hail mary-twilight fantasy crap."

I feel my heart racing with each word that comes out of her mouth. My face starts to flush, my head throbbing. "Well, I guess we will just ask the others and see what they have to say about it. I texted them about an hour ago and they should all be waiting for us behind the bleachers."

"Whatever," Santana says, "This meeting better be short because I have very important plans tonight."

"With Brittany," I mutter under my breathe. Santana rolls her eyes as she snatches her bag and runs off behind the bleachers. I follow behind her, squishing my feet into the grass with each and every step that I took. It took me forever for me before I saw the others. They are all standing there with bored looks on their faces. Lauren and Tina holding bags and Blaine dressed as a coach, with a large binder in his hand. Santana looks at me, his eyes staring past me but still looking at me.

"Well, everyone. Thanks for all your hard work but it turns out that Quinn has done everything and that all your efforts was wasted so Quinn will you please tell everyone what you have planned for our performance." Santana finishes speaking as she turns and looks at me. Everyone stares at me, I could tell from their faces that they were hurt.

"It's just that I thought of a great idea that we could do. See, I thought that two of us can pretend to be a couple while one of us sing to one of the people in that couple and the other two can sing with along with everyone, like pips. I think that it's a cute idea."

"Well, I think it's lame," Lauren says.

"And it's a little unorginal," says TIna.

"Yes, and it seems like only one of us will actually be the star. We need this to be a group project," Blaine says.

"Well, it's settled," Says Santana, with a huge smile on her face, "We **won't** be going with your idea."

Santana turns and glares at everyone. "Alright, Blaine, what do you have?" She asks him. Blaine perks up and starts talking fast.

"Well, I think we should alternate between singers. The main singer will be doing the main moves while the others do moderate basic moves. We will keep switching. The moves with be borrowed from Janet's and Aaliyah's music videos for the songs." Blaine ends smiling.

Without being ask, Tina and Lauren show us the outfits they had made. It was a brown suite with the sleeves cut open underneath the arm and the shirt being open enough to show cleavage. There are gold buttons on the front of the suit and down the side of the legs. Each outifit was designed to fit our styles. Blaine's outfit was more masculine than everyones, not having the sleeves cut. Lauren's shoulders were cut out of the suit while Tina's had shorts. Santana's had low-rise pants and her shirt was shorter which would reveal her stomach. Mine had a cut-out design on the sides of the shirt.

"Well, we only have two days left so we better start practicing. Blaine get up here and show us the routine." Blaine moves up front and throws his binder down. He starts to show us the routine and everyone acts anxious to learn it. I stare at the others not moving. I start to learn the routine, while catching glances at Santana.


	6. Chapter 6

I walk into the school with my backpack weighing heavy on my back. It is only a few hours before we had to do our performances for Mr. Schue and the other students in the class, and I am running around the school, during lunch time. The hallways and classrooms were all completely empty. I walk into the cafeteria and I see Blaine sitting with Kurt, Mercedes, Finn, Sam, and Rachel. I run over to them. "Blaine," I say, "I need you and the rest of the people in our group to meet me in the glee choir room in six minutes."

"Alright," he says, "but why?"

"Just let everyone know for me please," I walk off trying hard not to smile to myself. I run into the choir room throwing my backack on the ground. I rip out the clothes from it. The first item I pull out was a red shirt covered in silver glitter. It had an opening in the back revealing my shoulders and a low cut that reveals my breasts, in an imaginative way. I take off my dress as I pull out a push-up bra from my backpack and ripped the one I had on and replaced it with the one I stored in my backpack. I slip the shirt over my head then reach into my backpack taking out a pair of black leggings,ripped and shredded on the sides, that are covered in silver glitter. I slide them onto my legs. I rummage through my backpack taking out a long, large, brown coat before taking out a slim pair of silver heels. I hear talking from outside in the hallway. I throw the shoes onto my feet and place the brown coat on me. Blaine, Tina, and Lauren walk into the room.

"Hey everyone," I say to them.

"What's with the mess," Tina says. I look at the floor and notice I left some books out of my backpack as well as the clothes I was wearing earlier onto the floor.

"Sorry about that. I'll clean it up," I button up my coat and bent down to pick up my books and clothes. "Where's Santana?" I ask. Everyone looks around, giving each other dumb looks. I take a inhale, putting everything in my backpack. "She's not coming is she?" I ask.

"She said that she was busy but she will come as soon as she can," Blaine says.

"In Santana talk, that's code for not coming," I breath through my lips. "Well, no worries." I place my things in the corner taking out a video camera from my backpack. "I will just have to video tape it for her." Everyone looks at me, surprised.

"Wow, Quinn," says Lauren, "You really came prepared."

"You have no idea," I says, setting up the video camera, "I stayed up all night just to make sure everything was perfect to the very last detail."

"So what is this all about?" asks Tina.

"And what's with the brown gangster coat?" Lauren asks.

"You will see," I say. "Everyone take a seat," I walk in front of everyone after turning on the camera. "I thought about everyone's opinions about my idea yesterday and I came to the conclusion that you were all right. It wasn't a good idea."

"You called us all in here just to tell us this?" says Tina.

"Nope, I thought about it and figured out why it was a bad idea. It was a bad idea because it didn't convey the right message. The songs we have and that we are going to perform isn't about a girl who is in love with someone else and wishes to be with that person. No, it's about desire. It's about wanting. It's about lusting for someone so badly. That you can't help the feelings you have for the person and that you are afraid of those feelings because they are so strong and feel so wrong that you can't."

Santana stomps through the door. "This better be good Fabray," she says.

"Trust me, I won't disappoint you," I say. I take off my coat and walk over to the boom box, turning it on. The music blares through the speakers, I run over to my spot preparing for my que. My heart thumping, my skin sweating. Finally, I recongnize my chance to sing and I spring off into a dance step, my air filling with lungs.

I try to lower my voice as I start on the first line. "Sitting over here, staring in your face. WIth lust in my eyes, sure don't give a damn. And you don't know that I've been dreaming of you in my fantasy." I do a quick spin in place before shuffling my feet and continuing my steps. "Never once you looked at me. Don't even realize that I'm wanting you to fulfill my needs. Think what you want, let your mind free. Run free to a place that no one dares to." I carry my feet around in front of me, my breathing gets harder as I try to sweeten my voice and make it light and crisp.

"How many mights I've laid in bed excited over you. I've closed my eyes and thought of us. A hundred different ways. I've gotten there so many times, I wonder how 'bout you. Day and night, night and day; All I've got to say is if I. If I let this go. You can't tell nobody, I'm talking about nobody." I switch my dancing to something more flowy and hip-hopish. " Are you responsible? Oh, I gotta watch my back cause I'm not just anybody. Is it my go, is it your go? Sometimes I'm goody-goody, right now I'm naughty-naughty. Say yes or say no. Cause I really need somebody, tell me are you that somebody?" I continue to dance while trying to maintain my voice and sing without heaving.

"Oh, I've been watching you like a hawk in the sky up high, and you are my prey. Oh, I promise you that if we keep bumping heads, I know that one of these days. We going to hook up, while we talk on the phone. But see, I don't know if that's good. I've been holding back this secret from you. I probably shouldn't tell it. But if I, if I was your girl, oh, the things I'll do to you." I stare right into Santana's eyes. I keep myself from looking at her as I focus my attention into the dancing and singing. Using all of my energy to not think about Santana, despite images of her leaking into my mind.

"I'd make you call out my name. I'd ask who it belongs to. If I was your woman, the things I do to you. But I'm not so I can't, so I won't. But, If I was your girl." I keep dancing, getting harder and harder.

"Allow me some time to play with your mind. And you'll get there again and again. Close your eyes and imagine my body undressed. Take your time,. we've got all night. If you tell one word. Go to sleep, you know it would be weak. Oh oh, see I'm trusting you with my heart, my soul. I probably shouldn't say it but if I, if I let this go. You can't tell nobody, I'm talking about nobody. Are you responsible? If I was your girl, all the things I'll do to you. I'll make you call out my name, I'd ask who it belongs to. If I was your woman, the things I'll do to you. But I'm not so I can't then I won't. But, if I was your girl."

"Oh, I gotta watch my back cause I'm not just anybody. Is it my go or is it your go? Sometimes I'm goody-gooody, right now I'm naughty-naughty. Say yes or say no. Cause I really need somebody. Tell are you that somebody?"

"If I was your woman, the things I'll do to you. But I'm so I can't then I won't but," I finish singing, stopping in place with my left foot in front. Trying hard to keep my pose for as long as I could. I finally lose my balance. I stare at the others to see their expressions. Most of them look surprise, but Santana. Her expression didn't change once.

"So, what do you think?" I ask. No one says anything for a while. Then I notice Lauren looking around at everyone.

"Do you really want to know what we think about it?" Lauren asks. I nod my head, feeling anxious and worried about what is about to come. "Well, I thought it looked a little slutty."

"I didn't particularly like it either," says Tina.

"Why not?" I ask TIna.

"It just didn't look right to me."

"I thought the dancing looked too untogether," says Blaine. "It was like a combination of hip-hop dancing and ballet dancing."

"That was technically what I was going for," I say.

"Well, maybe it would have been better if someone who actually knew how to dance was performing it," Lauren says.

"Yes, like Mike," Tina says, "Or Brittany."

"Yeah, I could totally see Brittany pulling it off," says Blaine.

"And the wardrobe doesn't really suit you either," says Lauren.

"Well, I have to disagree," Blaine says, "I really like your leggings."

I take in what everyone is saying to me. I exhale and turn my gaze over to Santana, who hasn't said a word. "What do you think of it, Santana," I ask her. She just looks at me, her eyes blinking.

"I thought the choregraphy was sloppy and uncoordinated, the outfit not only looked trampy but just downright gaudy. And also, I thought you were a little off-pitch during your transitions of the song." She pouts her lips as she finishes and turns her head. "It doesn't matter anyway, the performance is today. Therefore we don't have time to practice a completely knew routine unless we want to look like morons in front of the whole class. So if you are done wasting everyone's time, Quinn, then I think we better practice for the actually routine that we are going to do," Santana says, everyone nods their head in agreement.

"Fine," I say, trying not to sound to heartbroken, my voice cracking none-the-less, "I guess we should start practicing then." I run over and grab my camera.

"Well, since you forced all of us in here. I think it will be wise for us to practice," says Lauren.

"I agree," TIna and Blaine say.

We all move around and start to practice. I go to the bathroom to change and rush back to the choir room where everyone is busy getting down the routine. The bell rings and Blaine hands everyone their outfits and we all go to the bathroom to change. When I finish putting on my clothes I walk back to the choir room and see everyone waiting. I take my seat as Mr. Schue walks inside, all smiles.

"Alright, everyone," he says, "It's time for performances today. So who wants to go first?" I look around the room and raise my hand.

"We do Mr. Schue," I see Santana glaring at me, her eyes full of anger. Tina and Blaine look scared. Mr. Schue smiles.

"Alright, Quinn's group come on up here. Everyone give them all of your attention and be polite," Mr Schue goes and sits down. We all walk up there, me more excited than the others. Blaine starts the music, and we are get ready. The music starts and we wait until it's our que. I dance with no emotion, no feeling, no imagination. The others sings, it becomes my turn to sing. "Never once you looked at me. Don't even realize I need you to fulfill my needs. Think what you want, let your mind free. Run free to a place that no one dares to," I sing with no range or clarity. The song continues and I go through the motions, not adding anything new to it at all. Before I know it, the song was over and we were done. I could barely remember singing anything more thatn that first line that I sang. Everyone claps. I walk over to sit down, in a trance.

The other groups perform, my eyes staring at them but my mind somewhere else. Class is about to end soon and Mr. Schue walks up to the front of the class. "Well, everybody, it was a tough decision but I think it's easy to say who won." Mr. Schue smiles at everyone before he continues. "And the song we will be performing will be," He pauses, "Aaliyah and Missy Elliott! Group B won." The class cheers and congratulates the people in the B group.

"Wow, you were awesome guys," Tina says.

"I have to admit that even though your pitch was a bit off, you guys did great," says Rachel.

"Definately Brittany. Those moves you had were incredible," Finn says.

"Yes, I can't believe someone can move like that," says Blaine. The people in the class all compliment Brittany and her dancing and how great she was. I get up and walk over to Mr. Schue.

"Mr. Schue do you mind if I left? I'm not, I'm not feeling well," I ask him.

"Sure Quinn," Mr. Schue says without even looking me in the eyes. He walks over to praise Brittany's and Mike's dancing. I walk out moving at a slow pace. I stop at the door and look at the others. I see Santana give Brittany a kiss on the cheek before wrapping her arms around her. I start to walk away, fuming and disappointed.


	7. Chapter 7

"Alright boys and girls," Mr. Schue says, as he walks into the choir room, "We have only one more week until Regionals. We have to get ready and prepare. So, I want everyone to use this time to practice. I manage to get a hold of the auditorium for an hour. That's how long Sue has her cheerios doing extreme exercising. So let's head down there now."

Everyone gets up and walks out to the hallway. I rush out of my seat and run towards Santana. I yell out her name, she pretends she doesn't hear until I grab her shoulder and turn her around, jerking her body to where she was facing me. Santana pushes me before I start to open my mouth. I see Britney pull Santana back a few paces away from me. The other glee members turn and look at us.

"What is your problem, Fabray?" Santana yells at me. Mr. Schue comes running at us.

"What is going on here?" He asks, stepping in between me and Santana.

"Ask her," Santana says pointing at me, "She is the one who tried to push me."

"I didn't try to push you, I just wanted to talk." I say.

"No, you grab my arm and yanked me around." Santana says.

"Look, I have had enough of this," Mr. Schue says, "Britney, Mike, Puck, and Finn; I want you all to sit re-arrange yourselves between Quinn and Santana." He looks at me and Santana, "You two ladies, this is your last warning. If I see you fighting or arguing again, anytime this week before Regionals. Then I am afraid, I will have to kick you both out of glee."

"But Mr. Schue," Britney starts, "If you kick both Quinn and Santana out, we won't have enough people to compete, will we?"

"Don't worry Britney," Mr. Schue says, "We will have enough people to compete, trust me."

I look over at Santana, who just keeps looking at Mr. Schue.

"Now, do you ladies understand me?" He says, Santana and I both nod our heads. Everyone else start to walk away. I stand there once I knew they were all out of ear shot.

"Listen Santana," I start.

"No you listen Fabray," She says, "I don't want to get kicked out of glee club because of you. So I just want you to stay out of my way. Don't bother me, don't talk to me, don't even look at me." Santana walks off. I stand there feeling stupid and sad. _Not the best idea, you had Quinn_, I think to myself. I felt that if I can't talk to Santana face to face, then I will just have to record everything I want to say to her and give it to her that way.

I went straight to the auditorium and Mr. Schue directed me to my new spot in the routine. He told us all the new changes he made to keep Santana and me apart. Everyone keeps giving me dirty, unhappy looks.

"Mr. Schue," Sam says, "There isn't a way for all of us to remember these changes by next week."

"I know Sam, but I'm trying to keep the changes to a minimal." The entire time during practice people kept looking at me like I was a rabid dog that just bit a baby and killed it. I kept my distance away from everyone else as much as possible. Practice seemed to last hours before Sue and her cheerios bust through the doors and took over the entire auditorium. Mr. Schue and Sue began arguing about giving them a few extra minutes while everyone were getting off the stage to leave, assuming that Coach Sue will win this argument.

I catch a glimpse of Santana and I walk over to her, taking each step with caution so I will not do anything stupid this time. I get stop by Puck and Blaine. I look at them.

"Excuse me," I say to them.

"No," Puck says, "I'm not going to let you go over to Santana and pick a fight with her."

"I'm not going to pick a fight with Santana."

"Listen Quinn," Blaine starts to say, "We all want both you and Santana to go to Regionals with us. So we are going to do everything we can to prevent you two from fighting."

"Yes, if you want to beat up Santana. Then do it at home, not at school." Puck says to me.

"I'm not going to beat up Santana." I say to Puck, giving him an unimpressed look.

"Well, that's true. It's most likely that she will beat you up. But I didn't want to discourage you. Glad you came to your senses on your own."

I roll my eyes, then attempt to make my way around Puck and Blaine. I head over, in the opposite direction of Santana, to the stairs. Blaine follows me.

"You don't have to follow me Blaine," I say to him. "I'm not going to talk to Santana, alright."

"Quinn," Blaine calls out to me. He moves closer to me until there were not any space left between us. "Is everything ok? With you?" He asks.

"Yes," I shrug.

"No trouble at home, with your grades, nothing?" He says as he kept looking at me. It was like he was trying to read my mind to see what I was thinking, to understand me.

"No Blaine, nothing is happening with me at all. I'm fine. My parents are fine. Everything is fine." I could feel tears welling up in my eyes as I walk off, faster than I wanted. Which must have alerted Blaine that something was, indeed, wrong with me. That something was troubling me.

I couldn't help but think of my family when Blaine asked if there was trouble at home. My family, ultra-conservative, ultra-christian, conformist family is how you would describe my family. I remember back to the other night when we went to church and the sermon that night was homosexuality: how it hurts everyone not just God.

My parents were driving home that night talking about how homosexuality wasn't just a sin but disrespectful and wrong.

"How could people think that it's alright." My dad said, "I mean before you know it, people would want to marry their dogs and pets."

"I know honey," my mom said, "And the worst part is that the gays try to make it seem like it's just a christian problem. Like we are the only ones who hate them."

_HATE them. I thought to myself. _

"_When in fact," my mom said, "It's not just a christian problem. It's a society problem. I mean what if pedophiles said that they can't help how they feel towards children. Would that make it make it alright for them to date them?" _

_I tune them out as I try to listen to the song on the radio. Forcing my mind to focus on anything other than my parents rambling. _

_I don't pay any attention to what's going on around until I notice that I was out of it and trip bumping right into Britney with both of us falling to the floor. _

_I look into Britney's eyes as I notice I was lying on top of her. I get up off of her until I feel someone pushing me back down to the ground. _

"_What do you think, you're doing?" Santana says, standing over me while I lay on the floor. I bring myself up right when I see Mr. Schue running over to us. _

"_Mr. Schue," I begin to say._

"_I don't want to hear it," He says, "I warned you both about what would happen and not even an hour later you two are fighting again."_

"_But she pushed Britney and knock her to the floor," says Santana._

"_It's True, she did." I hear Tina say._

"_I saw it as well," says Sugar._

"_It doesn't matter, the fact is I warned you both and you ignored me. I'm sorry but I don't think you two would be going to Regionals with us this year."_

"_But Mr. Schue," Britney says, "If you kick them both off we won't have enough people to compete."_

"_Don't worry Britney," Mr. Schue says, "We will have enough." Britney starts to open her mouth again but Mr. Schue stops her. "I know what you are doing Britney. You want Santana to go and don't think it's fair for me to kick both Quinn and Santana off. But I warned them and Santana was standing over Quinn. So I have no choice." He says, frowning. "I'm sorry girls." Mr. Schue walks away as does the rest of the glee club. I look around and see the cheerios standing, staring at me. I take off to the hallway. I see Santana standing there, looking me into my eyes._

"_Santana," I say._

"_No, don't say anything Quinn." Santana begins stepping closer to me. "Listen, I'm about sick and tired of you and your holier than thou ways. I'm tired of you trying to act like you are Miss Perfect Morals when you are just as bad as everyone else. I don't care what you think about me and Britney or our relationship but you need to grow up and get over yourself."_

"_Santana," I start, "I'm sorry."_

"_No, I should be the one saying sorry. Sorry for telling you that I was gay, sorry for telling you that I had feelings for Britney, sorry for thinking you were my best friend and that you would understand. Sorry for thinking you wouldn't judge me. I'm sorry, Quinn. I'm so very, very sorry."_

"_Santana, I…I'm"_

"_And thanks for ruining the last thing I had in my life where I felt safe and happy. You know what, Quinn, I'm done. I.." I see tears welling up in her eyes, before she could say anything else. She walks away._

"_Bye, Fabray." The last thing she says over her shoulder. I turn and watch her. I feel my eyes getting hot as I begin to cry too._

_Why couldn't I just tell Santana how I felt about her.? Why did I have to take out my anger on her, on Britney? Why did I have to be jealous? Why? Why did I have to have these feelings? Why did I have to like girls? Why did I have to like, love Santana? _


	8. Chapter 8

I run out to my car, tears dripping down my face slapping the pavement as I make it to my car. I attempt to start it but my hands shake and I drop the keys on the floor. I let out all of my anger and sadness as I lay my head on the steering wheel and let myself cry. This day was horrible and I got Santana and I kicked out of the glee club. I had to do something to make it up to Santana. I know that the best way to do it is to tell her the truth. I had to, telling her that I deeply intense feelings for her will be difficult but it sure couldn't make the situation worse than it already is. It could not make Santana hate me anymore than she already does. At least if I tell her, she would know why I was so cruel to her months back. Why didn't I tell her the truth then? Why did I let this built up inside me like this? So many things I could have done different that may have prevented all of this from happening?

I think back to that day, Santana called me on the phone.

"Hello Quinn?" She asked.

"Yes, Hi Santana." I responded back to her.

"Listen, I want…I need to talk to you. Can we meet somewhere so we can talk?"

"Sure Santana, what do you want to talk about?" I stated, like I thought she just wanted to discuss that day's Math assignment or something.

"Is your parents home right now?" Her voice lowered as she asked me this. I rise up off of my bed that I was sitting on at the moment and went to open my door and went to peer over the balcony. I could hear my dad's voice, sounding like he was talking to my mom. I went back to room.

"Yes, they are." I told her. "You can come on over right now if you want."

"No, I…I want to meet you at the library. Can you get here around 6?"

"Yes, sure. Are you already there?"

"Alright, I will see you there." Santana hung up on me. I check the time to see how long until 6. I tell my mom I am going to the library. I show up there and cannot find Santana anywhere. I text her telling her I was there. She texted right back saying she was in a study room on the top floor in the very back. I walk up the stairs to the study room, as I notice how empty and quiet the library was. I go to the study room and see Santana there. I noticed that she did not have any books with her or even her book bag or purse.

"Hi Santana," I said, "I hope you don't plan on copying my work again this time."

"No, I needed to talk to you about something serious." She said. I looked into her eyes and noticed a dark tone to them. I sat down next to her.

"What is it? Is everything alright?" I asked her.

"No, everything is fine. In a sense."

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

"Listen Quinn, I have to tell you something. I'm not sure how to say it, really. But I have been keeping this inside me for so long. I feel I need to tell someone. And I trust you the most Quinn. Besides the fact that you are very religious. I feel I can still tell you this."

I nodded my head, not quite sure what Santana was going to tell me. She paused, looking down at her hands.

"Quinn I'm…I think…." She looked me in eyes. She seemed stern and sincere. "Quinn, I'm gay." She said. Her facial expression unchanging but I could still see the nervousness her demeanor. A part inside me felt happy about knowing this and admiration for Santana, for speaking about it, for having the courage to say it. I did not know myself how to describe the feelings I had for Santana. Was I gay? Was it just Santana? Am I confusing love with admiration? Was this just a phase? I sat here thinking about my own problems and how they seem to reflect Santana's problems as well. I smiled at her, feeling, wishing I could do what she just did. Thinking about how Santana was always the brave one out of the three of us, and Brittnay was the laid-back one, and I was just…me.

I took one of Santana's hands into both of mine. Letting her know, I was there for her. She looked at me, surprised at first. Then she gripped my hand tight, letting me know she enjoyed the comfort.

"Was I the first person you told?" I asked her. She shook her head.

"No, actually it's how I realized I knew I was gay." I stared at her, confused.

"I told Brittany how I felt about her. I was terrified about it at first but I felt like if I let Brittany go and date someone else without telling her how I felt then I shouldn't have the right to be mad." I slipped my hands away from hers. She slipped her hand back closer to her.

"What do you mean?" I asked Santana, my voice quivering some.

"I told Brittany that I was in love with her. She told me that she loved me too. She kissed me and it was at that moment I knew it wasn't right to hide my relationship with her, at least with people who I care about. I'm not quite ready to tell my parents but I knew I had to tell you."

I turned my head away from her.

"I don't understand this Santana. I mean you and _Brittany._ I mean are you sure it isn't just a crush. How can you tell you are in love with her?"

"I know how I feel when I'm around her." She said, seeming offended. "I know that I care about her and will always protect her."

"But is she even gay? I mean does she even like girls?" I asked each question louder than the last. "I mean, you're just bringing her into a relationship with you without knowing her stance on this."

"She doesn't believe in labels Quinn."

"We have labels for a reason, Santana!" I yelled at her. "Do you even know what you are doing!"

"Shut up Quinn, stop yelling." She told me, I could tell she was getting more angry the more I talked but I couldn't stop talking.

"You're going to throw away your entire life on something as simple as a crush. Do you hear yourself? Are you thinking about this clearly?"

"Yes, Quinn I am thinking clearly. You are the one acting like a psychotic…"

"I'm trying to tell you Santana that Brittany may not be your soul mate. You can't base all of this on fleeting feelings you have for just one girl."

"I have been having these feelings for _girls_ for as long as I can remember. Brittany isn't the first."

"Well," I said, "Pedophiles have conflicting feelings for children for years but that doesn't give them right to act on them!" I pushed up from my chair as I grabbed my book bag.

"Quinn were are you going?" Santana said coming after me. I turned around facing her.

"Don't ever talk to me again, I don't want to be friends with a dyke."

"Interesting choice of words from a Christian girl." She said.

"At least I know God will be the only one who will ever love me." I said, running away from Santana as I fight back tears.

The next couple of weeks after that had been horrible for Santana. Rumors that Finn started, went around about Brittany and Santana dating. It went to the parents, soon enough, causing them to harass Coach Sue about how they wanted Santana and Brittany off the cheerios for fear they will spread their gayness to the others or else they will pull their children off the team. Coach Sue, thinking it was better to loose two cheerios than 20, kicked them both off the team. The news found it's way to Santana's family who were less than happy about their daughter being a lesbian wanted her out of the house and to come back when she was "fixed". She moved in with Rachel's family who seemed to be the only family in Lima who wanted to take her in despite her lesbianism.

I kept thinking about how this could have been my fault, if I was just less jealous and more supportive. No, I cannot keep thinking about the past. I cannot change the past. I have to and will change the future.

I look for my keys, found them, place them in the ignition and drive straight to my house.


	9. Chapter 9

I walk through the doors of the school, with the jump drive in my hand. School has not started yet so their were very few people in the hallways. I walk to my locker and place all the things inside it. I notice Blaine walking to his locker. I slam my locker shut and run over to him.

"Hey, Blaine." I say to him.

"Hi, Quinn." He says to me, taking only a second to glance at me before continuing to go through his locker.

"Listen Blaine, Can you do something for me?" He close his locker, the door inching its way until it made a silent click sound. He looks at me, confuse, his eyes locking onto mines.

"What is it you want me to do?" He asks. I take the jump drive out and grab Blaine's hand, setting the jump drive in it. Blaine looks at it then looks at me.

"What is this?" He asks.

"Can you give it to Rachel for me and tell Rachel to give it to Santana. Please?"

"Umm, Quinn, What is exactly on here?" Blaine says, gripping the jump drive between his index and thumb.

"It's something for Santana, I would give it to her but she isn't really talking to me right now. So, the only way for her to receive it is if I don't give it to her directly. So can you do that for me please?" Blaine stands there staring at me, not moving, not blinking. I move closer to him.

"Please Blaine," I say, "I really…I need to…I need Santana to listen and understand why." Blaine look puzzle at first, then he wrapped his hand around the jump drive and shove it into his shirt pocket. He nods his head and turns on his heels, walking away. I run up behind Blaine, calling out his name. He turns his head, his body faced forward.

"This is a private thing. Make sure you."

"Don't worry Quinn, I won't tell anyone." Blaine walks away, the bell rings. I see Santana and Brittany walking inside the school. Their arms interlocked with each other. I watch them as they go past a group of football players. They all look at them as Brittany and Santana unhook their arms. One of the guys grabs Brittany's butt as she walks past them. Brittany shoves the guy's hand away as Santana steps in and slaps the guy across the face. The group looks at her shocked, several people stop to observe what's happening. I move closer to hear what is being said. I her Santana yell something at the guy. The guy stands there, looking smug.

"I just wanted to know if she wanted a three-some." A teacher comes running down the hallway separating the guys from Santana. Santana starts yelling about how they assaulted Brittany. The teacher takes the guy to the principal while Brittany walks away. Santana turns around and follows her. I walk to my class as I see Rachel go to the same bathroom.

I walk by the choir room in the afternoon and see everyone inside there talking. Mr. Schue was not inside there. I look around and see nobody in the hallways. I walk inside the choir room, everyone gets quiet and give me harsh looks. I drop my bag on the ground and straighten up my posture. I flash a small smile while everyone gives me nonchalant yet evil looks.

"Hi, Everyone," I start, "I know most of you in here are mad at me and I came here to apologize. So, I have a song I want to sing to everybody." I hand the sheet music to the band. I look at everyone as I felt my heart beat faster, faster.

"The song is called Sorry for everything by Dead by April." I open my mouth as I start to sing the words. "Sometimes you said I didn't listen to your words. That I even made you cry. Maybe I didn't show in every possible way, How much I care." The first verse came out weak as my voice cracks on several notes. I feel my hands begin to shake. I focus my gaze down as I keep singing. "I'm sorry for not being myself, For everything ending this way. Maybe I Maybe you, could need this change. I'm sorry for, for everything." My throat starts to tense up. I look up again and see how everyone in the room looked unimpressed. I close my eyes trying to fight back tears as I pushed my way through the song.

"I wish I could stop your tears from falling down. Probably I'd make it worse. Maybe I always wasn't there. It doesn't mean I don't care, whatever it was. I'm sorry for not being myself. I'm sorry for everything ending this way." I stand there as I remember the night before when I was recording this song for Santana. I remember sitting on the bed in my room late at night as my parents were asleep. I remember how I struggling, even more then than I am now. I push each note out of my throat as I sing this song to the camcorder. I recall how I start to cry. How I let myself cry as I was singing this song to her, praying in my heart that Santana forgives me when she sees this.

"We're minutes away from saying goodbye for all of time." My mind was only on that moment of me in my room, as I ignore myself being in the choir room in front of everybody. I open my eyes and I stare at everybody. "I'm seconds away from breaking apart." I pause, staring. I take a huge breathe as I went on.

"I'm sorry for, for everything. I'm sorry for not being myself. For everything ending this way. Maybe I maybe you, could need this change. I'm sorry for, for everything." I look around and remember I was not in my bedroom and that I was standing in front of everybody. They all looked at me, but not disgusted or annoyed. No, they all looked surprised, scared even. I wipe my face as I felt tears come off on my hand. I have been crying, non stop since I started reminiscing about yesterday when I was in my bedroom.

I look around the room and remember that Santana was not there. Right, we were both kicked out. I grab my bags and walk out the door. _This song was really for you, Santana._ I think to myself. I walk out the door. I see Santana standing there. Her face just inches away from mine.

"What were you doing in there?" She asks me. She did not sound rude or angry. She sounds like she really wants to know.

"I was just apologizing, to the glee club." I told her. Santana nods her head.

"Why?" she asks again.

"I just feel really bad that I disappointed so many people. I disappointed you the most though , Santana." She looks at me. Her face, still, solid.

"Well, it's not like you disappointed your parents, Quinn. Or the cheerios, or God. Since that all that seems to matter to you."

"Santana, I wanted to tell you something for a long time. But I just didn't know how to do it."

"Tell me what?" I freeze up the moment she asks me this. I do not move. I move past her as I head to the football field.

"It's all on the jump drive." I tell her.

"What jump drive?" Santana asks.

"The one Rachel gave you." I turn around. "I didn't know how to tell you so I recorded it all and put in on the jump drive. Please, Santana, just watch it. I know you are still angry at me and you have every right to be, but…and I know there is nothing I can do to make it up to you. But if you watch the jump drive then hopefully it will give you some understanding on why I behaved the way I did." Santana stands there, looking confuse.

"Listen Fabray," She says, "Rachel didn't give me a jump drive." She stands there and examines me. I have a panic attack on the inside. I walk away, ignoring Santana, leaving her there.


	10. Chapter 10

I do not even make it a few steps before I find myself slipping to the ground. My heart was racing so fast that I feel that I am going to have a heart attack. I sit on the ground, trying to calm myself down. _Maybe Rachel didn't give it to Santana yet. _I think to myself, _maybe she will give it to her at home._ I nod my head. "Yes," I say aloud," that is what Rachel's doing. She is going to wait." I stand back up on my feet and force myself to move.

"Fabray," I hear someone call from behind me. I could recognize that it was Santana's voice. Her voice was deep, sultry, and raspy. It had a mixture of toughness and softness that only Santana could manage to conjure. I turn around and look at her.

"Yes?" I reply, trying to sound calm.

"Are you, are you alright?" She asks me. I did not say anything, I just nod my head and smile. I turn my back towards her and continue to force my body to move. _What if Rachel lost it? What if she gave it to Brittany? My goodness, if she gave it to Brittany then she would end up telling everybody, I know she would. Stop it, Quinn! Stop thinking the worse_. I barely made it to the door when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I stop dead in my tracks. I did not want to turn around. I did not want to talk to whoever it was that wanted to talk to me. I did not even want to go home. I just want to go somewhere, anywhere and cry. I do not know why but I just wanted to cry. I let out a huge breath and turn around. It was Brittany. _Great, the last person I wanted to see at this exact moment. Why me?_

"Quinn?," She says, "Can we talk?" I shrug my shoulders as I try to think up of an excuse.

"I can't Brittany. I have to go home and get ready for church tonight." I nod my head, feeling happy about my lie.

"But tonight is Wednesday?" She says, "You already went to church Sunday. Would your parents mind if you skip just this once?"

I felt a rage inside me building up. There were too many emotions building up in me at that moment. _Would your parents mind?_ That statement keeps ringing in my head. I do not know why but it was that statement alone that wanted me to slap Brittany across the face. I clenched my fist as I shove Brittany's hand away from mine.

"Yes, Brittany I think they would mine!" I stomp away before I could do anything that I would end up regretting. I go to my car bang my head on the steering wheel and just sit in the car for what seems like hours. I feel tears rolling down my face. I finally wipe them away as I head on home.


	11. Chapter 11

I go to school the next day, knowing this would be the last day I get to see everyone before they all head off for sectionals competition. I decided that I needed to talk to Blaine to see if he really gave the jump drive to Rachel. I see him at his locker again this morning. He always seems to be there early in the morning before the bell rings. I walk over to him.

"Blaine," I say to him, "Did you ever give the jump drive to Rachel?"

"Yeah-mm," he mumbles, "I sure did."

"Alright."

"And don't worry Rachel gave it to Santana."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," he says, "And don't worry we didn't show it to anybody. We were the only ones who watched it." I stand there, deciding whether I should slap Blaine or straight up kill him.

"What do you mean you watched it!"

"Rachel asked me if I knew what was on it. I told her no. She says she was about to give it to Santana the other day but when she saw Brittany crying in the bathroom, she wasn't sure if she should give it to her."

"What does that have to do with anything, Blaine?"

"I don't know. I guess she wanted to make sure that you weren't trying to pull something. So yes, she invited me over to watch it." He pauses for too long as he stands there, like he was thinking about what he was going to say. "That's it Quinn, we just watched it. We didn't tell anyone. Rachel says she is going to give it to Santana this morning when she wakes up."

"Blaine," I say, my whole body was trembling so much that it was hard to tell whether I was angry or scared or both. "You had no right to watch anything on it. It was none of your business!"

Blaine looks down at the ground acting like a little child who was being scolded for breaking his mom's favorite vase.

"I'm sorry, Quinn. I really am." He says, he sounded so gentle and sweet. I start to stare at my hands. "Listen Quinn, if you need anyone to talk to well, I'm here." He closes his locker at the same time that the bell rings. I watch him walk away.

I see Rachel walking down the halls. I run over to her.

"Rachel, Hi how are you?"

"I'm fine, Quinn. And if you want to know if I gave the jump drive to Santana then yes. I did." I stare at her.

"You had no right to read it." I say to her.

"I know," she says, "I know. I'm apologize. I just felt like you were trying to ruin Santana's life but now I know. I know everything." She walks away.

"Rachel. Rachel, don't walk away from me."

She stops in her tracks and turns around. "Don't worry, Quinn. I won't tell anybody. I promise."

She proceeds to walk. I stand there in the hallway, feeling stupid, weak, and violated. I feel myself starting to cry when a felt a guy bump into me almost knocking me down. I snap out of my trance. I look around and hold my head high as I walk to my first class.


End file.
